that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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