I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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