Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize