There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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