talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
