Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
