Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
