Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
