Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
