I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
