My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
