fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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