your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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