Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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