ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
