I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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