i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
