so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
