loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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