A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
