I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
