i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
