she looked like the before picture.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
im on a boat
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