im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
