She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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