if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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