Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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