hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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