I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
