Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
