Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
