...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
