i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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