I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
