My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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