sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so let's talk penis.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
