so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
