You're my little dorito
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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