What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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