1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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