i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
