how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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