Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
