Welp...herpes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pants are for mortals
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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