Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize