There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
