Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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