I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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