I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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