That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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