i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
