I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize