Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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