I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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