My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
