Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
